Why Do We Like To Look?

Why is it so difficult for a man to look away from a sexy image?

The pleasant sexual feelings you get when you see a sexy image have a natural function, but only within marriage. That function is to bring you and your wife together emotionally and physically in a way that strengthens and enlivens your marriage. In a fully functioning marriage, when a woman makes herself appear sexy or behaves in a sexual way for her husband, he is affected in at least three ways.

First, the rush of pleasure he feels at the sexy view reinforces pleasant associations in his brain that make his wife appear more attractive to him even in nonsexual situations, and even as she ages.

Second, these pleasant lustful feelings help him feel and act appreciative and affectionate toward his wife. This extra appreciation and affection in turn increase her desire for physical intimacy and prompt her to give him more affection.

And third, these lustful feelings break down a man's psychological barriers to physical intimacy by weakening his own sense of modesty and personal space, by reducing his natural aversion to touching the intimate areas of another person's body, and by giving him a desire for increased intimacy. They also serve to focus his mind on the present and reduce his ability to weigh long-term consequences (such as the responsibility of possible offspring) of his intentions, thus allowing the perpetuation of the species ("Do pretty women inspire men to discount the future?" M. Wilson and M. Daly, Proc. Biol. Sci. 271:S177–S179. [2004]).

Sexy pictures, on the other hand, are like artificial mind-altering drugs that hijack these same neurological pleasure pathways and abuse their function in such a way that reduces your ability to enjoy natural pleasures, including the pleasure of looking at your own mate. You can read some of my other posts for details.

All of this means that your desire to feel pleasure by looking at a sexy woman is natural and good. That desire can serve to enliven and strengthen your relationship with your wife. The problem is that our visually polluted modern environment exposes you to other women behaving and appearing (to your subconscious) as if they were married to you. The solution is to create a personal environment that is relatively free from such visual pollution, allowing you to more fully enjoy other pleasures in life, including the natural beauty of your present or future mate.